I'm eating Charleston Chews for dinner, so this post could be really good or really bad. We'll know by the end. The painful, bitter end.
Thursday night I told Chris I had some good news. He asked me if Nila (the cat we pseudo rescued) ran away. Well, no, but we found someone that was traveling to North Carolina on Friday and was willing to take her with him. I met with the nice man the next day. I am pleased to announce he was not a serial killer or creeper. He was a very handsome Army soldier who was 'not a cat person' but was very concerned for Nila's comfort and well being. Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, Nila promptly got the runs on Friday night. The poor guy had to give the cat a bath and then couldnt put her back in the carrier. So the second leg of the trip Nila was curled up on the soldier's lap. As if that wasnt bad enough, she refused to eat unless she was hand fed. So here is this buff, tough Army man, with a kitty curled in between his legs, hand feeding her for the second half of the trek to North Carolina. The next time you see military personnel, give them your thanks. They put up with some crazy shit on foreign and domestic soil.
Oh, it just got serious. I opened up the Swedish fish. Actually I need to fortify myself for this next bit.
The War of the Stinky Roses has been won. I was holding my own but then Chris struck a bargain with the Gremlin and the two of them ganged up on me. First, the Gremlin farted on me, twice, bare assed. Then, one evening Chris and I were laying in bed, when he ripped a horrid fart. The fan in our bedroom made sure to blow it directly on me and I had the bad timing to be inhaling when this event happened. I am not sure what crawled up his ass and died, I just know something did. It brought tears of pain to my eyes. Gah!
The Reading Rainbow is going well. I havent finished Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter yet. I got to part three and I actually like it. The problem I have with a book like that is separating fact from fiction but Chris says that basically everything but the vampire parts really happened. So, I know more than I ever thought possible about Abe Lincoln. Unfortunately, Chris brought his Pirates! books home from work the other night and I picked one up when I wanted some lighter reading. I'm reading the Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab and I'm not sure if I like it or not. I get that it's a book of ridiculous gibberish (and he mocks my romance novels) but the author will have little notations at the bottom of the page that appear to be facts. I expect them to be facts with the way they are worded and they are just good enough to be believeable. Well, that and I am gullible. But then some of the notations are a little too wild and I get mad, because I feel like the author is just trying to screw with me. Chris hasnt started the romance novel yet, but that's because I've been lazy and havent picked one. I guess I'm waiting til I get to the end of ALVH before I decide how painful I'm going to make it for him.
Yesterday we attended a baby shower. It was the best damn baby shower because it had beer. Listen, you might find this hard to believe, but any social situation where you have to be around people you barely know (or dont at all) besides the host/hostess is bound to be a snooze fest. Alcohol can save the day. Trust me on this. The gremlin was very well behaved. Even when she puked on two people she was at least polite about it, and made sure to give them big slobbery grins to make up for her faux pas. I can see we have some work to do on her manners. I can only say that she gets this from Chris.
Today, Chris and I were working hard on the house. And by 'Chris and I' I really mean Chris. 2pm rolled around and Chris made some noises about 'being tired' but I made my escape anyway. I'd like to say that I went to Margaritaville but actually it was just Steak n Shake. I consider it the same thing though because the chili there makes me euphoric. And hopefully I'll be able to fire a few return shots tonight. I was having a grand time until Chris messaged me that his knee blew out while he was helping our neighbors move a refrigerator. Good times, good times. On the way home I was ranting to my mother about the situation waiting for me at home and dropped the 'C' word. You know, I've got a new respect for my mom, because she wasnt even phased. There was a delicate pause, then she said, "Oooh. I guess she is mad." Fuckin A. I love my mom.
I also want to touch on something that happened last night. I was on Facebook, minding my own business (See: Playing as many of the free apps as the gremlin would let me) when a message came through on my inbox. It was one of those forwarded things about 'Breast Cancer Awareness'. According to the message, this year we're supposed to put our shoe size in our status as inches with a little frowny face. I guess I had hit my bullshit limit for the day and fired back a Reply to All with some fairly salty language about the lack of sincerity and if they're actually interested in raising awareness they should look into doing the 3 Day walk or a couple of other charities I listed. I got a nastygram for my offensive language (I guess that's the risk you run when being included in a chain letter nobody wants to fucking read anyway) and the original poster stated that she was only forwarding from a teen who'd asked her too.
Look, I wont even get into a debate about the appropriateness of a teen putting 'inches' into her status update but I will say I checked online and I'm pretty sure breast cancer awareness month is October. So why are we doing this shit now? Secondly, I dont care about your copy/pasted status update. If you dont have the passion for something to at least make a sincere, honest post about a cause, dont waste my fucking time. I dont give a damn what color your underwear are, what fruit, or what shoe size. I dont care about your Jesus Loves You and the Soldiers are saving babies in the Middle East but 90% wont repost horseshit. Chris found an awesome update about Pandas. It goes like this:
"PLEASE put this as your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by pandas. Pandas are nearly unstoppable, and when hungry, also breathe fire. 71% of people won't copy this into their status because they have already been eaten by pandas, 28% are hiding in their showers with fire extinguishers awaiting the coming pandocalypse, and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post."
I loved it! But couldnt repost on general principle. Besides, the people who it's directed at probably wouldnt get it anyway. I hope that the person either unfriended me or has the common sense not to include me in a chain letter again. I'm probably wrong about that.
In closing, I will say quite sincerely that a good friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 27. She likely would not have discovered anything was wrong had she not found the lump when breast feeding her son. She fought the good fight and is still with us. Her experience tells us that early self breast exams are a good idea. Save the ta-ta's!
Thursday night I told Chris I had some good news. He asked me if Nila (the cat we pseudo rescued) ran away. Well, no, but we found someone that was traveling to North Carolina on Friday and was willing to take her with him. I met with the nice man the next day. I am pleased to announce he was not a serial killer or creeper. He was a very handsome Army soldier who was 'not a cat person' but was very concerned for Nila's comfort and well being. Proving that no good deed goes unpunished, Nila promptly got the runs on Friday night. The poor guy had to give the cat a bath and then couldnt put her back in the carrier. So the second leg of the trip Nila was curled up on the soldier's lap. As if that wasnt bad enough, she refused to eat unless she was hand fed. So here is this buff, tough Army man, with a kitty curled in between his legs, hand feeding her for the second half of the trek to North Carolina. The next time you see military personnel, give them your thanks. They put up with some crazy shit on foreign and domestic soil.
Oh, it just got serious. I opened up the Swedish fish. Actually I need to fortify myself for this next bit.
The War of the Stinky Roses has been won. I was holding my own but then Chris struck a bargain with the Gremlin and the two of them ganged up on me. First, the Gremlin farted on me, twice, bare assed. Then, one evening Chris and I were laying in bed, when he ripped a horrid fart. The fan in our bedroom made sure to blow it directly on me and I had the bad timing to be inhaling when this event happened. I am not sure what crawled up his ass and died, I just know something did. It brought tears of pain to my eyes. Gah!
The Reading Rainbow is going well. I havent finished Abe Lincoln, Vampire Hunter yet. I got to part three and I actually like it. The problem I have with a book like that is separating fact from fiction but Chris says that basically everything but the vampire parts really happened. So, I know more than I ever thought possible about Abe Lincoln. Unfortunately, Chris brought his Pirates! books home from work the other night and I picked one up when I wanted some lighter reading. I'm reading the Pirates! In an Adventure with Ahab and I'm not sure if I like it or not. I get that it's a book of ridiculous gibberish (and he mocks my romance novels) but the author will have little notations at the bottom of the page that appear to be facts. I expect them to be facts with the way they are worded and they are just good enough to be believeable. Well, that and I am gullible. But then some of the notations are a little too wild and I get mad, because I feel like the author is just trying to screw with me. Chris hasnt started the romance novel yet, but that's because I've been lazy and havent picked one. I guess I'm waiting til I get to the end of ALVH before I decide how painful I'm going to make it for him.
Yesterday we attended a baby shower. It was the best damn baby shower because it had beer. Listen, you might find this hard to believe, but any social situation where you have to be around people you barely know (or dont at all) besides the host/hostess is bound to be a snooze fest. Alcohol can save the day. Trust me on this. The gremlin was very well behaved. Even when she puked on two people she was at least polite about it, and made sure to give them big slobbery grins to make up for her faux pas. I can see we have some work to do on her manners. I can only say that she gets this from Chris.
Today, Chris and I were working hard on the house. And by 'Chris and I' I really mean Chris. 2pm rolled around and Chris made some noises about 'being tired' but I made my escape anyway. I'd like to say that I went to Margaritaville but actually it was just Steak n Shake. I consider it the same thing though because the chili there makes me euphoric. And hopefully I'll be able to fire a few return shots tonight. I was having a grand time until Chris messaged me that his knee blew out while he was helping our neighbors move a refrigerator. Good times, good times. On the way home I was ranting to my mother about the situation waiting for me at home and dropped the 'C' word. You know, I've got a new respect for my mom, because she wasnt even phased. There was a delicate pause, then she said, "Oooh. I guess she is mad." Fuckin A. I love my mom.
I also want to touch on something that happened last night. I was on Facebook, minding my own business (See: Playing as many of the free apps as the gremlin would let me) when a message came through on my inbox. It was one of those forwarded things about 'Breast Cancer Awareness'. According to the message, this year we're supposed to put our shoe size in our status as inches with a little frowny face. I guess I had hit my bullshit limit for the day and fired back a Reply to All with some fairly salty language about the lack of sincerity and if they're actually interested in raising awareness they should look into doing the 3 Day walk or a couple of other charities I listed. I got a nastygram for my offensive language (I guess that's the risk you run when being included in a chain letter nobody wants to fucking read anyway) and the original poster stated that she was only forwarding from a teen who'd asked her too.
Look, I wont even get into a debate about the appropriateness of a teen putting 'inches' into her status update but I will say I checked online and I'm pretty sure breast cancer awareness month is October. So why are we doing this shit now? Secondly, I dont care about your copy/pasted status update. If you dont have the passion for something to at least make a sincere, honest post about a cause, dont waste my fucking time. I dont give a damn what color your underwear are, what fruit, or what shoe size. I dont care about your Jesus Loves You and the Soldiers are saving babies in the Middle East but 90% wont repost horseshit. Chris found an awesome update about Pandas. It goes like this:
"PLEASE put this as your status if you know someone (or are related to someone) who has been eaten by pandas. Pandas are nearly unstoppable, and when hungry, also breathe fire. 71% of people won't copy this into their status because they have already been eaten by pandas, 28% are hiding in their showers with fire extinguishers awaiting the coming pandocalypse, and the remaining 1% are awesome and will re-post."
I loved it! But couldnt repost on general principle. Besides, the people who it's directed at probably wouldnt get it anyway. I hope that the person either unfriended me or has the common sense not to include me in a chain letter again. I'm probably wrong about that.
In closing, I will say quite sincerely that a good friend of mine was diagnosed with breast cancer at age 27. She likely would not have discovered anything was wrong had she not found the lump when breast feeding her son. She fought the good fight and is still with us. Her experience tells us that early self breast exams are a good idea. Save the ta-ta's!
I posted a similar status about zombies one day, I think you actually commented on it. Then I got an angry passive-agressive update from another person because (MY BAD!) she'd posted a "facebook will be changing your privacy settings" chain/junk update earlier that day. Oh well, unfriend. I don't care enough to deal with drama like that.
ReplyDeleteMy "favorite" ones are the "If you're REAAAALLY my friend, you'll repost this." Can I just paypal $1 to the top person on the list, add my name to the bottom, and post it on my wall?
I saw someone say that without the internet, there would be no spam. Obviously never checked their mail before 1996.