Him: "We just went out."
Me: "No, we didnt."
Him: "Yes, we did."
Me: "Oh yeah? When was that?"
Him: "Sunday."
Me: "We didnt go anywhere on Sunday."
Him: "Yes, we did. You and baby girl went to church, and after we all went out to Steak & Shake and had lunch with Eric and Christy."
Me: "Oh yeah. I told you we'd just gone out this week. Gosh, you can be so forgetful."
I would just like to add that none of this was said with any heat, and he never faltered in his task of buckling the gremlin into her car seat. Every word coming out of his mouth was spoken with the longsuffering patience that a man can only achieve once he's come to terms with what his future will be.
Chris and I met many many years ago in a video shop. You remember those? 'Please be kind and rewind', and how long have those been defunct? I owned a beeper, for crying out loud. So now that I've revealed our general age, let me continue. It was coming on summer time between my junior and senior year of high school. He had already graduated and was taking some college courses at the local community college. A friend of his, James, that he'd met in college worked at the video store. Since James had a crush on my then best friend, Chris and I spent a lot of time together making fun of the two of them.
Then one day, not long into our friendship, I got an invitation to come to his house for dinner. Once I figured out that his mom could cook, well, they were never able to get rid of me after that. I would just randomly turn up at meal times and his mother never batted an eyelash. On a side note, Chris's stepfather Ron is a great guy but very quiet. It was after about 6 months of me coming to dinner 4 nights a week before he finally actually spoke to me. There we all were, sitting at the dinner table and I heard Ron speak but not what he'd said. I was too busy stuffing my face as fast as I could with whatever yummy good-ness Chris's mom had cooked that night. After a few moments, I come up for air to find everyone staring at me. I was midchew, deer in headlights expression in place wondering why everyone was looking at me before Chris's mom said, "Christine, Ron asked you a question." He did? What the hell? WHY WOULD HE DO A THING LIKE THAT? But then I realized that that sort of cemented my acceptance into their family and I went back to more important things, like eating.
Chris and I became best friends over that summer. For a long time, whenever one of us was in a tough spot we would lean on each other. Time and circumstance changed the nature of our friendship, but through the years we kept tabs on one another even through long distances. I was always a bit derpy and he was big on the snark so the name for our blog is very appropriate. That was also what Chris refers to as the 'Summer of No Sleep'. You might be putting your own spin on that, like maybe it was for a good cause such as working two jobs to put himself through college, but no. He was just doing it to see how long he could stay awake. He made quite an impression on me, though. I remember clearly one time how he stepped in front of me and another person who was intent on doing me harm. It was my own doing and I deserved every bit of the physical punishment that was coming my way but he protected me anyway. It's always good to know that one has the loyalty of one's minions. I mean, friends.
Looking back, it was sooo obvious we were meant for each other. I make sure to berate him at least once a month for us not getting together back then. We could have saved ourselves a ton of baggage and a few hits to our credit rating if he'd just gotten off his ass and asked me for a date. Clearly, this is all his fault.
The only downside to our relationship so far as I can tell is that sometimes we know each other too well. In any relationship, the key is to be able to tell a lie. I'm not talking a lie about where you were last night when you didn't come home. I mean the social, polite lies that everyone will tell to their partner on occasion. Chris, unfortunately, knows all of my tells which means I have to work harder with my attempts to rattle his cage. Just this past Thursday I got him really good. Man, that was fun. I'll let him share that one with you if he wants too. On the flip side, Chris has a lot of fun with me. He knows that I'm gullible, and he can play the straight man like nobody's business. I will give him a suspicious glare, diligently searching for any sign that he might be bullshitting me but too often he sucks me in with whatever line he's feeding me. He knows when he's got me good, too, damn his hide.
And now for something completely different.
I began clicking the 'Next Blog' link at the top to see what we were next too. All of these family type blogs kept popping up, one after the other. I have to say, the content was extraordinarily boring. All of these blogs have family photos as headers with everyone dressed in matching outfits and subject lines like, "Timmy just cut his first teeth!" and "Sara likes her new sunglasses!" If this is what most of them have to offer it's no wonder everyone yawns when we tell them we have a blog. Their time would be better spent trolling for porn than clogging up the internet with that drivel. The only blog that appeared remotely interesting through my random search was one about cake. It was great at first, I mean, who doesnt love cake? But then it made me hungry so I had to stop looking at the posts.
I think I'm done now but before I publish this crap, I want to share my excitement for you about an upcoming blog post Chris and I are working on. I wont even try to make you work for hints, it's totally about Star Wars. I am so giddy I've been peeing myself which is getting a little awkward.
Then one day, not long into our friendship, I got an invitation to come to his house for dinner. Once I figured out that his mom could cook, well, they were never able to get rid of me after that. I would just randomly turn up at meal times and his mother never batted an eyelash. On a side note, Chris's stepfather Ron is a great guy but very quiet. It was after about 6 months of me coming to dinner 4 nights a week before he finally actually spoke to me. There we all were, sitting at the dinner table and I heard Ron speak but not what he'd said. I was too busy stuffing my face as fast as I could with whatever yummy good-ness Chris's mom had cooked that night. After a few moments, I come up for air to find everyone staring at me. I was midchew, deer in headlights expression in place wondering why everyone was looking at me before Chris's mom said, "Christine, Ron asked you a question." He did? What the hell? WHY WOULD HE DO A THING LIKE THAT? But then I realized that that sort of cemented my acceptance into their family and I went back to more important things, like eating.
Chris and I became best friends over that summer. For a long time, whenever one of us was in a tough spot we would lean on each other. Time and circumstance changed the nature of our friendship, but through the years we kept tabs on one another even through long distances. I was always a bit derpy and he was big on the snark so the name for our blog is very appropriate. That was also what Chris refers to as the 'Summer of No Sleep'. You might be putting your own spin on that, like maybe it was for a good cause such as working two jobs to put himself through college, but no. He was just doing it to see how long he could stay awake. He made quite an impression on me, though. I remember clearly one time how he stepped in front of me and another person who was intent on doing me harm. It was my own doing and I deserved every bit of the physical punishment that was coming my way but he protected me anyway. It's always good to know that one has the loyalty of one's minions. I mean, friends.
Looking back, it was sooo obvious we were meant for each other. I make sure to berate him at least once a month for us not getting together back then. We could have saved ourselves a ton of baggage and a few hits to our credit rating if he'd just gotten off his ass and asked me for a date. Clearly, this is all his fault.
The only downside to our relationship so far as I can tell is that sometimes we know each other too well. In any relationship, the key is to be able to tell a lie. I'm not talking a lie about where you were last night when you didn't come home. I mean the social, polite lies that everyone will tell to their partner on occasion. Chris, unfortunately, knows all of my tells which means I have to work harder with my attempts to rattle his cage. Just this past Thursday I got him really good. Man, that was fun. I'll let him share that one with you if he wants too. On the flip side, Chris has a lot of fun with me. He knows that I'm gullible, and he can play the straight man like nobody's business. I will give him a suspicious glare, diligently searching for any sign that he might be bullshitting me but too often he sucks me in with whatever line he's feeding me. He knows when he's got me good, too, damn his hide.
And now for something completely different.
I began clicking the 'Next Blog' link at the top to see what we were next too. All of these family type blogs kept popping up, one after the other. I have to say, the content was extraordinarily boring. All of these blogs have family photos as headers with everyone dressed in matching outfits and subject lines like, "Timmy just cut his first teeth!" and "Sara likes her new sunglasses!" If this is what most of them have to offer it's no wonder everyone yawns when we tell them we have a blog. Their time would be better spent trolling for porn than clogging up the internet with that drivel. The only blog that appeared remotely interesting through my random search was one about cake. It was great at first, I mean, who doesnt love cake? But then it made me hungry so I had to stop looking at the posts.
I think I'm done now but before I publish this crap, I want to share my excitement for you about an upcoming blog post Chris and I are working on. I wont even try to make you work for hints, it's totally about Star Wars. I am so giddy I've been peeing myself which is getting a little awkward.
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