Fourth of July for the Sleep Deprived

Like most Americans, I like America. Big fan over here. Glad we're finally starting to get through the awkward 200s and get past those crazy phases like the Civil War and learning to be responsible adults. It'd help if we learned to manage our money better and stopped beating up the other kids in the sandbox, but we're getting there. Sure, we've still got some growing to do. Some of us need to remember that the reason the pilgrims came over in the first place was to get away from religious persecution, even though once they got here they started burning people at the stake for thinking outside the box. That's beside the point. Quit forcing Jesus down people's throats and keep that whole "freedom of religion" and "separation of church and state" thing going. Again, I'm straying off topic but I found a nice, sturdy soap box to stand on and it would have been a shame to let it go to waste. 


Anyway, back to the subject. Fourth of July. The celebration of the ratification of the Declaration of Independence and our great Democracy, which is largely demonstrated by small explosives imported from Communist China and likely purchased from an illegal immigrant that some parts of our government are trying so hard to get rid of. Apparently these small explosives were purchased en masse by one of our neighbors who continued celebrating America well into the early hours of the 5th. It should be noted that on July 5th, 1776, Thomas Jefferson was at home applying leeches to his arm to alleviate the pain of his writer's cramp. For those  unfamiliar with the term "writer's cramp," it was like Carpal Tunnel Syndrome for people who used pens and paper. For those unfamiliar with  "pens and paper," think of them as the analog version of your keyboard and monitor. 


Moving on. At about 2 am, the fireworks finally ceased. For 7 hours straight prior to 2 am our neighborhood sounded like someone had the bright idea to move South Central LA to the Gaza Strip, then put a NASCAR track smack in the middle of it. Amazingly, the wee one slept through most of it. I, on the other hand, was very close to practicing my Second Amendment rights in a grand display of patriotism that probably would have gotten me several lifetime sentences or landed me as the poster child for the "castle" law. What would be more American than that?


In summary, I would like to say that please, by all means, celebrate the hell out of America's birthday. Til about 10 pm. Then call it a night. The country is 235 years old and gets cranky if it doesn't get its beauty rest.


Thank you,