The Name Game

***Warning - Serious Post Ahead***

***If you are looking for snark, turn back now***

**I tried to be funny, but got all serious instead. This is what happens when I watch too much 16 & Pregnant**

When Chris and I found out we were having a little girl at our sonogram appointment, a lot of things happened. First, I called the technician a liar, because I wanted a little girl so bad that I knew she had to be jerking my chain. Then I cried. Chris held my hand as the sonogram went on. I'd like to think he was being supportive, but the part of me that knows him as well as he knows me realizes he was more likely keeping physical contact to make sure I didnt do anything too nutty.

Then, I had to pick a name. Well that was easy, really. I knew what I didnt want to name her Trasha and Formica (I have seen those before, not kidding) being at the top of the No list. Nor did I want some long ridiculous name like Sunshine Running Pantaloons or Apple Sauce Crispy Rainbows. I thought about what a name meant, and I dont mean those cheesey little, 'Your name means [this] in ancient babylonian'. Your name is probably the only thing you will own your entire life. Unless you become a celebrity and lose your freaking marbles. Here's hoping that isnt my gremlin's future. I digress.


So I thought about where my name came from. I was named after a great great grandparent who was around briefly when my mom was a kid. She made quite an impression on her and so that was how I was saddled with Christine. After thinking about this for ohhhhh, 5 minutes, while gnoshing on yet another slim jim I came up with Annalissa Lorraine.

You might be wondering where Chris was while this deep thinking was going on. Actually, he was driving me back from the OB appointment. I think he was a little shell shocked, realizing that the estrogen levels in the house were going to double (as if they werent all ready skyrocketing by that point in my pregnancy, ha!). I'd like to say something snarky here, but mostly I think he just had no idea how to pick a name for a girl so he left that one up to me. For which I am thankful. If I'd let him decide she might have been named Leia or something equally lame.

Lorraine is my mother's name. I have always admired my mother greatly. She was a teenaged single parent with very little help from her family and yet she managed to raise me without turning me into a raging idiot (of course, that's just my opinion there). I think when it comes to parenting, she has always shown a wisdom and maturity that was far beyond her years. She is a strong woman, a survivor, pretty smart without all the fancy education, and never took shit from anybody.

Anna is my best friend. Truthfully, I dont think I could have come out of my divorce with as much of my sanity and self respect as I did without her. She gave me guidance, was always willing to listen, and has the biggest heart of anyone I've ever met. I admire her capacity to love without limits. And, her ability to make me laugh. No matter how deep in the shit we were, we were in it together and having one hell of a time.

Melissa is my other best friend and the inspiration for this blog post today. We only met a couple of years ago, but I'm better for it. I admire her for a lot of reasons, but mostly because of her moral compass. It's kind of funny, because if she were reading this she would have expected me to say 'intelligence'. It's true, I do admire her brains. She's got a lot of them, and fancy education to go with it but it's her honor and ethics that impress the hell out of me. Most of us are basically good people, however we all tend to let our compass change directions now and then in the face of something we really want that might otherwise conflict with our moral fiber. My little compass arrow is a wee bit more bent than others, I suspect, so having Melissa in my life honestly keeps me from doing something I might regret. Or at least, something that would make me want to drink more often.

I've always had complicated relationships with women. A lot of it had to do with jealousy (weirdly enough) but now that I'm older and more confident in myself it's easier for me to admit when I admire another woman. And I admire those ladies, all 3 of them. It's my hope that by naming my daughter after them, maybe some of their better qualities will show up in her. Lord help me if she takes after their not so sterling qualities. In the interest of keeping their friendships, I wont list those.

All three of them have been a huge support system for me. They have made my transition back to Florida easier, and harder at the same time. My mom is always willing to listen to me ramble, Anna lets me be a screw up, and then Melissa tells me how to fix my mess. Rinse, repeat. Lucky them, eh?

This week's fiasco involved the stray cat I posted about last time. I really do hate to see any animal starve, especially such a pretty little girl. I talked about her on Facebook, hoping that a friend would be able to take her in. Melissa took one look at that poor bag of bones and was immediately making plans on how to get her up to her house in NC. I wasnt expecting that, because the distance is so great and the cat does need some heavy duty TLC. But to do that just reminds me again of why this woman is my friend. Of why I named my daughter after her. Melissa is a special person and I'm grateful that she hangs out with my sorry ass.

This is Nila and I am so relieved that she is going to a loving home.

Thank you Melissa. Just, thanks for everything.