Having spent far too much time today trolling websites dedicated to outing bad parents, someone better give me a damn trophy. I've never claimed to be June Cleaver and my house will never grace the cover of Better Homes and Gardens but put me up against some of these freakshows I've seen today and I come out looking like Mother Theresa. Except, you know, minus the nun habit. I'm sure that she would have been a great parent if she hadnt been married to Jesus and all of that. Where was I? Anyway, nothing like a few pages of these websites to make me feel like a champ.
I've seen photos of kids being given lit cigarettes, guns, and beer bong hits. I've seen pictures of parents half clothed in provocative poses with their kids in tow. I've even seen mothers and daughters dressed in slutty clothes, posing together. It boggles the mind and makes me question the sanity of every damn parent on the planet. I'll never understand the compulsion of women, mothers, who want to put on slutty underwear and take pictures of themselves in the mirror while their kids are in the background. I'll shake it for Chris when the door is closed but God forbid I ever scar my child with the vision of my biscuits hanging out of my drawers, let alone post that shit up on Facebook. Even worse were multiple articles of parents convicted of trying to sell their kids for drug money, or had their 8 and 9 year old children drive them home because they were too intoxicated.
I'm not even going to lie, I wonder every day if I did the right thing bringing my kid into this world because people are crazy. I mean, I know we say that and laugh and all, but no, really, they're fucking crazy. One site I was perusing had a video clip from that show Toddlers and Tiaras on TLC. The parent had their little girl (around age 3-4) dressed up as Julia Roberts from Pretty Woman. And not after Richard Gere bought her the Town and Country Wardrobe, either. From the opening scene when they met while she was in her prostitute gear. Who in their right minds thinks, "Hey, wouldnt this be a great idea!" I mean, I thought I was being obsessive when I went to Walmart to buy her socks and didnt because their selection primarily had Dora the Explorer and Sponge Bob plastered all over them. Christ, she's not even watching TV yet. I dont need her looking like a billboard for cartoons she doesnt even know exist.
I know I want to dress my kid in cute outfits but I'll be damned if I let her wear age innapropriate clothes, either. We were graciously given a lot of second hand clothing for her (baby stuff is expensive!) but after sorting through the lot, I gave a fair portion of that away, too, because there was no way in hell I was going to let my infant wear a halter top sundress with a keyhole in the neckline. Jesus H. The shoes are just as bad, too. When I was a kid I wore ugly ass patent leather mary janes but now they have heels for toddlers. Is there any reason in the world that I can't find a way for her to just look like a little kid? Playing dress up is one thing, but I didnt bear crotchfruit to have a mini-me underfoot.
Man, this world is going straight into the pisser. If ever there was a solid argument for mandatory birth control until attending parenting classes, all one needs to do is look at Facebook. I bet you more than half of those photos were pulled from social networking sites. It's just a really sad illustration on the state of our society. If the worst I ever do is drop the F bomb in front of my daughter, we'll be all right. Sadly, she is going to be attending school with the offspring of these jackoffs and there's not a damn thing I can do about it.
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